Thats All Folkssss !

So as of 10:13 today, my semester has ended for composition 023.  This is a very special accomplishment because last semester I had to drop this course with a different teacher. Last semester I tried my hardest, I never missed a class (okay maybe a one), and I did ever take home assignment even the ones that weren’t required. It seemed like every paper I got back I kept getting low marks. Even when I would meet with him, he wouldn’t help me too much.  I went to the writing center on a weekly base, they would help, but it still seemed as though I wasn’t doing well. Eventually he pulled me aside before the withdraw period ended and told me that in order to pass this class I needed an A on the next paper. I knew that there was no way that I was going to be able to receive an A especially after every paper I had gotten back had been D’s. I cried and cried (very kitten of me, I know). But I was very distraught, and I didn’t want to tell my parents, because all through school I had always been an A student and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I decided to call my parents (since they are paying for my education) and ask them for advice. Since both of them are college graduates they told me that it is normal for freshman to experience some hardships and I might even take some teachers that seem impossible to pass. They encouraged me to drop, and even though I didn’t want to they told me it was my decision. So I did. The failure was killing me, I didn’t want to face the fact that as English major (now social work), had to drop basic composition. 

But I have learned never let success get to your head, or failure get to your heart.

Even though composition this year didn’t start out too well , because I forget to hand in my personal reflection for project one I didn’t give up. I knew that I couldn’t receive an A but a B was still possible. So I tried my hardest. I worked for hours on my project 2, and I had to make sure that my group was always meeting when we were suppose to because getting a good grade in this class was extremely important to me.

Reflecting back on this year in just comp class, I learned so. I learned more then just basic skills, I learned more than just writing. I have learned how important teamwork is, and that I have a voice and I can make a change in things I want to change. But most importantly, I learned the most about myself. Before I posted this blog I looked back and read all of my other 9. It’s always interesting to look back and see what I talked about from the begging of this semester to the end. I could see myself growing as a person.

Looking back at my year as a whole, it’s crazy to believe that in a matter of days I will be packing up and heading home. I remember not knowing what I wanted out of life, I remember being a senior in high school and not paying too much attention to where I went to college. I just picked any college because I had not gotten into my dream school (West Chester), but now I am pleased with my decision and happy that I have came here.

I have met many new people, a great boyfriend, and I have chosen a new career path. I am happy that I have that the opportunity to discover new talents that I have had. College was all I expect and more. I had some troubles and some triumph but all in all it was a great first year.

5 Groups, 1 Creative Semester

After watching the first couple groups present their projects and hearing about all the obstacles that have had to face throughout the semester was one of the most beneficial experiences that I have had in English class all semester. Knowing what obstacles, problems, and drama my own group went through, you kind of take a single minded approach and think that you are the only group that has to experience problems.

When I first decided to join the shuttle group, I had no idea how hard it would be. I really didn’t think too deep into the problem. I am positive that my other 3 members didn’t expect that we would run into as much problems as we did. It seemed liked no one wanted to talk to us, or help us out. Many people didn’t even see our limited shuttle hours as a problem. It was more of a be happy with what you are given type of thing. I think it’s ironic that as soon as we try to get a shuttle to improve campus safety, that we experience rapes. I don’t see how they don’t think that safety isn’t an issue. Especially when in doing research we are rated “highly unsafe” compared to surrounding campuses.

None the less, my heart goes out to both groups that presented on Tuesday. The fairgrounds group and the food group. Both problems that each group tried to fix were extremely good problems, and problems that directly affected our student body. It is very apparent that the here food is extremely bad for us (hence my newly found pants size), and just taking one look at the fairgrounds you can tell that the conditions are horrible.  Hearing both groups talk, I started thinking about how much people have power at this college. The food group had to go through Aramark (which I could imagine would be extremely hard), and then there’s the fairgrounds group that never seemed to get any answers from anybody until the very end.

My group had so many issues trying to fix our problem, because everything dealing with the shuttle had to be negotiated between the school and Beiber Transportation, we were forced to go back and forth, and never seemed to get clear answers. It seemed easier to just refer us to the other. It was frustrating, because even though it wasn’t required to fix your problem in order to get an A, no one wants to fail at a task. It seemed like we weren’t getting anywhere. The worst news we probably got was when we realized that we simply do not have the money to add another loop. With all the budget cuts we really don’t have money for anything. The only thing we could do (like the food group) was make awareness. I believe that Kutztown needs to do a better job at making it sure that we are safe at campus. We do appreciate that we have access to the shuttle during the day, but when it comes to night time we need a shuttle. We just don’t have the option without the money.

Every group ran into obstacles, but every group had to overcome them. Creativity (obviously the underlying theme) was the key point to this whole assignment. Having traditional approaches just wasn’t going to work this time around. We were all challenged to convey our points, and try to get changes using teamwork and creativity.

Since this project is semester long, I’m sure that all groups are happy that this project is over and probably won’t pursue to fix the problems they have worked on. Even though most groups didn’t complete their task or achieve their goals, I think much more was learned. And we all gained a different experience. We are just college students that had a project, but there are people who have to fix problems every day. I would encourage them to tap into their creative side, because you never know how one day everything can change, how maybe one idea can inspire someone to help you along. You never know how beneficial being creative can be until you try.

Somtimes its better being naked . . .

Shopping has always been one of my favorite past times. Every time I go home, I try to make a point to go to the mall. Not only is it a pastime, but in some weird way it calms me. So of course over Easter weekend. I made it a point to go shopping.

I walked in and out of different stores, of course starting with my favorite Abercrombie and Fitch and I began to think how much creativity it takes to put together certain outfits. Then I took a look at myself and tried to think about the way I dress.

Back in high school I was the type of person who would spend hours the night before just picking out clothes and still end up wearing something different when I get dressed the next day. It takes a lot to pick out the perfect outfit to wear on certain days, the right colors to go together, what I can wear in layers, and then of course what shoes I have to match.

            Just before I left I asked my boyfriend what I should wear for Easter. At first he didn’t pay me too much attention, and he usually never does. I guess I wouldn’t either, because it’s a good chance I would wear something completely different. I kept pressing the issue, and finally he told me to wear the pink shirt. I thought that it might just work, but I packed both just in case I wasn’t in the "pink-wearing" mood.

Of course I didn’t wear the pink shirt.

             I think I dress different from most people. I am more into name brands then into fashion. I don’t wear too many colors, and I never dress off the wall, but I do pay attention to color scheme. I think color is the most important part of an outfit. I’m good at shades; I can look at two shades of a color and tell you exactly why they don’t match. My boyfriend is the extreme opposite if it’s the same color it matches; he pays no attention to shades which can be annoying. But, he has made progress and I do think I did a great job at schooling him in colors.

            While I was in the mall I passed a girl who was the definition of a creative dresser. Keep in mind that what’s creative to her isn’t to me. But she had on a ballerina tutu with a cute tank and multi colored flats. Her outfit was abstract and seemed a little weird, but her creativity was busting through ever seam of her tutu. I wondered if her outfit meant that she had a higher “creativity level” then mine. But then I realized that we just have different views of how to be creative with what we wear and how wear it. In my eyes creativity is like beauty: it is in the eye of the beholder. What I see as I get dressed may seem like creativity to me, but to someone else might be weird. And the same goes as when I see girls in the mall wear tutu’s or outdated graphic tee’s. It’s all one in the same.

            Some people’s views of creativity are just simple and plain. Many (like my boyfriend) will throw on a t-shirt, some jeans, and sneakers that kind of match, and they’re ready for the day. This may be due to their environment, or they just don’t care if people how everyone thinks of them. I believe that everyone cares what people think, but they just like being comfortable. Little do they know what they wear can say a lot about them as a person.

            Then there are those people who dress so insane and off the wall that nobody can even wrap their heads around it. Are they being creative or just throwing a whole bunch of stuff together? Do they have a sense of style or creativity at all? But that is too judgmental the ones who we think have the most out of the loop sights of style are the ones who bleed creativeness, they just have a different way of presenting it to others. They don’t hide it like those who dress plain, or they don’t half way do it like those others who I spoke of, they go all out and show how creative they are and can be every chance they get. Whether they are wearing two different types or colors of shoes or they wear clothes that completely don’t match, or they may hardly wear clothes at all, that is showing their style, their creativity, even their personality.

            Getting dressed the way you feel comfortable is one of the biggest creative outlets any of us have. We have to get dressed everyday regardless, so we might as well have our own unique style.

Hitting Close To Home . . .

I find it kind of ironic that during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I am doing a paper of rape prevention as part as my Project 3.

For the simple fact that we have had two rapes occur on campus, it starts to make me think. What exactly is happening on campus? Is it an over aggressive male wanting control, or have they been miscommunications between parties. I just have been starting to wonder, what is happening. I am not scared to be on campus because I do take most of the precautions that I have learned about while doing my paper, and also I hate walking alone.

At first I started to think that most of the girls put themselves in the situation, and at being that they are at college you should know that you have to be more careful. However being a sexual assault victim myself, I realized that that’s not a fair assumption, and rape nor sexual assaults is never justified.

Just the other week KU had a program called “Take Back the Night”. I heard about this program through hear-say, and I thought it sounded interesting. This program sponsored by KU’s Women Center, allowed women of sexual assault to come and share their stories through poems, paintings, songs, whatever. I thought that this program sounded great, and I wish I would have went, but I am not yet comfortable to trust a whole bunch of individuals with my insecurities, fears, and stories.

Now, I know that this post might get a little personal, but after researching rapes it all seems so related. I don’t usually like to vent but I feel like it’s easier to write into a computer and have someone else read my troubles, rather than me having to tell someone or a group of people face to face. Regardless of this blog being a project, I think it’s a good means of creativity and self expression.

NOTE: The following is true emotion and feeling behind every word.

They always tell you that the person that hurts you the most will most likely be a person that you trust. Think about the person you trust the most.  Hopefully they are the person that you least expect to hurt you, they are the person you confined all your secrets in, they are the person that loves you no matter what. Throughout my life, I have been cautious of who I trust, for that very reason. I have prepared myself for that very event.

But what I didn’t prepare for was the person that I loved with all my heart, in which I had spent the last 3 and half years with, in which I shared my secrets, hopes, and dreams with

 to rape me.

There is no worse feeling then losing all your trust and strength in a matter of minutes. The pain of someone forcing themselves upon you will forever stay in your heart. Sometimes I wake up in cold sweats because I can still feel his fingers running up and down my body, and I can hear my saying NO over and over. I can still hear my screams getting louder and louder because for those 30 seconds of my life, I felt invisible, I felt like no one could hear me.

Welcome to the life of a victim of sexual assault.

You think the person that is going to hurt you isn’t going to be the person you love. You will always assume it to be the guy who walks behind you a little to close when you are headed home past curfew, or the mailman who you feel as though is waiting for the perfect moment when he knows no one is home to enter. But nope, in my case he was my boyfriend, my best friend, a person who had been there from what seemed like forever.

My heart goes out to those girls on campus that had to experience such a thing. The feeling of not wanting to talk about it, because you feel like it’s your fault. The worry that no one will believe you, the doubt in your head that maybe you didn’t say no. But you know you did. The embarrassment from slowing becoming another statistic, the fear that people will see you different. And the pain that forever lives inside your veins. ALL THE INSECURITIES.

I have much insecurity that still lingers with me from that night. It is very hard for me to trust people in new situations. It sometimes gets hard for me to believe that if I tell my current boyfriend that “I don’t want to have sex tonight”, that he will not force himself upon me. Insecurity can eat you up alive if you let it.

But I am learning that sometimes very bad things happen to good people, and even though you will never ever forget that day, you have to let go.

I no longer look at myself as a victim, but as a survivor.

Cutting Creativity On Budget At A Time

And it seems like the budget cuts just keep affecting everything around me I knew our economy sucked , but things are just getting out of control on all levels of education.

So as usually this is the time of year where all the students are registering. And of course there is no need for me to go on and on about how stupid and pointless “myku” is.  I have no idea why administration would decide to change it mid-semester, nor do I understand the meaning of having a “shopping cart” for classes. But I guess I need to accept the fact that technology is changing. My point isn’t to rant and rave about this new problem, but to talk about how the selection of teachers has diminished. Usually there are so many teachers and times to pick from when registering. Usually there are about 6-7 different teachers, but this time around I have noticed that something had changed. Every section has only about 3-4 teachers, with the exception of biology. Have our budget cuts already been in effect?  Does no one care that I can’t register for sociology because every section is filled? Guess that’s my personal problem.

State schools aren’t the only place where budgets are being cut. My old high school has been hit with a huge budget cut. They are losing about 8 billion dollars. You can only imagine all the positions that are going to be eliminated. I started to look into more of what was changing at my high school and when I started reading about what positions are being eliminated of course it was the electives.  As we all know electives are the subjects that force students to be the most creative.

My high school has a very different style of teaching. The school is divided into what we call “small learning communities”. Each community is like what a major might be in college. For example we have a School of Media Studies, which is designed to teach you how to use all aspects of media, and the effects that media has on our generation. We also have a program for people who want to be nurses, and even small learning community that geared toward strengthening your college skills, such as essay writing and communication skill, called College Prep. Every SLC (small learning community) has their own geared curriculum, outside of what is required to graduate by the state. Each SLC offers different electives that broaden your skills.

So of course, with the budget cut in place it is no surprise that the school is trying to take away SLC’s and go back to a traditional setting, where you have four core classes and a limited of electives. This takes me back to my Project 2 paper in English when I had to research different people in their take on creativity. One still remains strong in mind, and that is the words of Sir Ken Robinson that the arts and electives always get eliminated first because they are not viewed as important.

In my high school’s case our electives are very important and the base of the whole curriculum. It’s sad to think that they are even considering cutting electives off, and hindering creativity throughout the school. I wish the school board could recognize how important our electives are, but with no money there is nothing they can do. I guess slowly but surely creativity will keep getting cut from more schools, and I can only image the effects it is going to have on the future of our communities.

Creativity vs Cuts .

2 blogs in 2 days? Yeah I know, this is my attempt to keeping my word on completing this blog.

 These proposed budget cuts have been the topic of discussion for the last few weeks on campuses, in homes, in barber shops, just about everywhere. I will admit that I do not know all of the facts when it comes to what will be affected exactly, but I do know that as a freshman now, if these cuts go through I will be highly affected. If you do a Google search on these budget cuts, so many articles come up. But I have been paying close attention to the updates that they post on the KU website, and frankly it just pisses me off that this was even proposed. I cannot understand the logic behind cutting funds to public education, and in the long run cutting my future. Jobs will be lost, and the academic setting in not only KU but all the other state colleges will be destroyed. It is to my understanding that to bridge the gap, many faculty members will loose their jobs, and programs and possibly some majors will be cut. This is just horrible.

Now, I understand that I am just one person, and blogging and complaining isn’t going to help any. But I started to think about what we as a campus can do. There is strength in numbers, and a lot of students that attend state colleges. Doing a semester long project on focusing on problem has really taught me a lot about persistence, and innovation. 

I was really disappointed that I couldn’t make the rally in Harrisburg but I had two tests that day.  I do know that there will be a lot more efforts, and all its going to take is a little hope and a lot of creativity.

After participating in the English department’s video on how these budget cuts will affect our school, I started thinking to myself about how big classes will so be our reality if these cuts go through. I hate big classes they are just so impersonal. I mean they are fine for general education classes of psychology and sociology, but what happens when we get into our major work? How can we really learn in a class of 200 students?

The video that I was a part of today really had me thinking about creativity and how at first I was a little skeptic to the idea of creativity being beneficial to solving problems but now I see how it can really be helpful and effective. I think that not only Kutztown but every state college should start putting their creative ideas together, and work to prove our point on how harmful these budget cuts are really going to be.

It amazes me how day after day, the simple things I learn in a class as bland as composition is really starting to change my outlook on life, issues, and the way I handle different problems. Its really amazing how whether if it’s a small problem such as getting a extra shuttle or as big as our proposed budget cuts how creative thinking really does start to seem beneficial.

I guess as a student, and individual I am learning every day.  As I take on the simple tasks of completing homework, or even just being a good listener for a friend in need, creativity is starting to dare I say , change my life . . .

i sat down to write a blog and . . .

this is all that comes to mind ;

And just like that we have merely five weeks left in the semester. Seems like things were just getting started, and I was finally getting the hang of this college thing. And just like that my freshman year is almost over. With the semester ending I have so many activities and assignments that I need to start working on and preparing for. 

For example, this blog assignment.

At the beginning of the semester I planned to stay on top of things, blogging at least every 2 or so weeks, just so I wouldn’t be rushing at the end, but ofcourse that plan failed. But I have still a decent amount of time so I decided that I needed get my blog together.

 Actually blogging isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, I actually enjoy writing my feelings down and it helps me gather my thoughts at times. My only problem is when it comes to “blogging for a grade” it doesn’t exactly come as natural as I would like. Its hard thinking of class related topics and making connections. Not to mention having a specific amount of words to write. If I could blog about anything I'm sure my blog would be way past completed. Or maybe I’m just not looking deep enough into my creative side....

Yeah, that’s probably it!

So this blog probably wont be one of my most creative blogs ,but it does directly relate to class. This blog shall just be about my feelings about our semester long project.

First, doing a semester long project isn’t my cup of tea. In my opinion it leaves barely any room for mistakes. However our semester long project is in a way different, and leaves plenty of room for mistakes. Running into problems and making mistakes is driving most of our ideas to fix our selected problems. I don’t have a issue with semester long project, they are easier to focus on. My main problem is that our project is a group project.

I  H A T E group projects.

There's no other way to put it. Group projects are the most annoying projects to me, and it just so happens that this one is semester long. My main issue with group projects is the fact that you have to depend on other people. I hate having to wait around for other people. I wish I could just do everything by myself and get it out the way. But I know that would take the group out of everything. 

Now, I have to take into consideration that we are in college and unlike highschool everyone pretty much cares about their grades and education. Everyone in the group is dedicated to working and completing the project. I think my bad connation comes of “group work” comes from my highschool.

  My highschool might just be one of the worst in the world. Our graduation rates only started rising because our district lowererd the amount of credits we need to graduate, not to mention we haven’t passed a standardized test since they’ve been administerd. Only about half the student care about their education, and even less make it to college.

So imagine trying to do group in a highschool like mine. You can understand my fusteration. As I mentioned before college is a lot different then highschool. However , differnt difficulties still arise. Meeting around everyones schedule is extremley hard, and getting to undertsnad everybodys personalities and work ethic doesn't help either. But I guess, challenges and group work are a part of college and a part of growing up.

I sat down to write a blog and this is all that came to mind . . .