I Cant Be a Pussy Forever .

"The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat." Ogden Nash

 When being ask by Dr. Morris if I view myself as a baby monkey or a kitten, I sat back and chuckled to myself. Thinking why the hell would I want to be a baby monkey. Kittens are so small and adorable. After she explained her reasoning behind the question I then realized being a kitten isn’t “cute at all”, it’s actually pathetic. I began to question myself and how I view myself. A lot of things started going through my mind when I started doing the positive and negative exercises in a creative writing textbook. Again, more questions arose. Why is my thought process so negative, instead of thinking about the problem, why not dwell on a new solution. Why let my problems, fears, and anxiety control my life.

The more important thing I was thinking about was even after hearing what makes a baby monkey was why I still viewed myself as a kitten. Why aren’t I willing to take my problems on head first, and ready to go out and solve the solution? Why would I rather, sit and cry and in my own pity until someone comes to help me. I mean I always thought of myself as strong. Hell, I even got the Chinese symbol strength tatted on my neck last summer. Where did I learn my habits from?

Is it the fact that I have always had people that fix my mistakes for me? Maybe so. However  I will say college has been a true learning experience for me. Although I am only in my second semester I am not the same "kitten" that I was unpacking my things into 334 Rothermel Hall ending of last summer. I am more confident in myself, I have learned how to make better decisions, step out of my confront zone, try new things and meet new people. But I will not deny that it’s hard to break out of old habits and at the end of the day I still cry when things go wrong, scream when I’m angry, and desire the confront and championship of another person. So maybe I will always be a little kitten, drinking milk from my mother’s nipples, meowing in the corner until someone shows me comfort. But, cats do grow, and I am working on bettering myself and I do have believe that one day I will not be a little kitten , but a strong baby monkey.